Eat More Bananas

Where is it? Where the fuck is it? Okay. Okay. I need to chill. I probably just put it someplace. Think. When did you have it last? Fuck. You have no idea, do you.

Why am I opening this drawer again? I’ve already looked in here thirty-seven times. It wouldn’t even fit in here! Why on earth am I still digging through all this junk when I know there is no way it could be in here?

The cats? No... I guess they probably wouldn’t mess with it. They just play with those balls, and the laser. And that wire thing. And anyway they mostly just lay around. Fatasses.

Wait. Wait, I took a bunch of stuff to the storage space. Yeah. When was that? Tuesday? That was, um, two days ago. No wait. Today is Friday. Three days ago. I guess I might have accidentally stuck it in with some of that stuff. Aw, man. I don’t want to go all the way down there. Shit. I guess I’d better at least look. What a nightmare.

Of course. Of course it’s not here, because I came all the way down here, and the only time I do that is for NO REASON. God damn it. I spend half my freaking life looking for shit. What a waste of time. I must be retarded in a certain way. I must have something. Or maybe I need to eat more bananas. Bananas always make me feel smart. I bet they’d help me remember shit.

You know what I bet? I bet she put it someplace. She’s always moving my shit around. What the fuck? I bet she got home and put all my shit in all these random fucking places that-

No. No. It’s not her. It’s you. YOU. Don’t go blaming. Sure, it’s happened once or twice, but mostly you just throw your shit wherever. Maybe you should pay attention to stuff. Get your head out of the clouds, or out of your ass, or just wake up or something. If anything, she knows where I put it.

Fuck. I can't believe- Wait a minute. Haha! FINALLY, god damnit! Jesus. Alright. How much time did I waste with that shit? I don't even want to know. Fuck.

Cool. Alright, where are my keys, I gotta get out of here.