Stupid Kitty

Well he wanted to go outside and I'm like fine buddy, knock yourself out. I mean you're gonna freeze off your little toeses. The door is open for three seconds and already the kitchen is cold and I go get under the blankets while he pokes around in the snow and ice. Five minutes later he's scratching at the door and he comes running back inside and I'm like Told you man. Then I'm sitting here typing and he's looking for a warm spot on me but the old laptop's got dibs on all the prime real estate, so he perches next to my arm. His nose seems pretty interested in my breath so I open my mouth real wide so he can smell all the onions I just ate, and he sticks his whole face in there. I wait for him to start licking bits of food off my teeth because that is so something he would do but he doesn't.