Rock Practice

I just got back home from my rock practice in Humboldt Park where I play rock guitar to rock beats. My drummer, this guy Jason, is a bike messenger, so by the time we play during the week at around 8pm he's totally exhausted and is often reluctant to try things that require that extra amount of energy; and my bassist Kevin, whose place it is, has to get up every morning at the butt-crack of dawn and go do heating and air conditioning. So we end up taking lots of breaks, and not getting much done, which is a bummer for me because I have the easiest job on the planet which I can pretty much stroll into whenever I feel like it. I work at the Library putting books away or something.

Even so, the music we're doing is really good, which is kind of a problem because it's like just good enough for me to keep devoting time and energy to it, time which in my mind is directly donated from pushing the writing thing. Or maybe it's not the time I'm thinking of that's the issue, but the fact that I am justifying my existence with the casual creative process of writing the songs and am thus less driven to create works of literary genius. I just knew this was going to happen.
I was in a band for a long time, in my early twenties, and it was like no matter what I did with my life that was irresponsible or tragic I had The Band, and all of my self respect was wrapped up in it, and I devoted all of my hopes and dreams to it. And when it crashed out I was driven to go back to school and take up writing, which is something I've always always always wanted, and I thought This is all me, nobody else to rely on, I sink or swim on my own fuckin terms, yeah.

The thing is, I know I have to PICK something and get really, REEEALY good at it, not just keep floating on various creative endeavors for which I have a natural knack. I remember reading something in a Vonnegut essay where he said that communication with the rest of the world is so extreme that you have to compete with everybody on the whole planet- like you could be King Gymkata of the Pole Vault in your small community but it doesn't mean squat when compared to the best of the best of the you get the picture.

I like to sometimes contrast this line of thinking with a pet paradigm of mine, which is that it's a mistake to crave respect on too large a scale, and that it's admirable to adopt a smallish, incestuous community in which everybody's creativity feeds on each other and carve out a place for yourself there... I'm thinking of course of Chicago. My friend Megan is like this: she is always out there giving herself to people who care what she is doing.

When you love to do too many things, though, it's kind of hard to pick. I see myself as turning into this aging bohemian type who takes potshots at writing and filmaking and music, and who's name fades from one of those particular community's consciousnesses by the time he gets around to following up on whatever. It certainly doesn't lend itself to bringing in the dough...

Video games don't help, either. Stay away from those things, if you don't already. 70 and a half hours logged for Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic for the Xbox. Ouch.