Abusing Online Chat Customer Support 1.2

Some Random Autoparts Store

[Morgan] Happy Holidays. Thank you for contacting AutoAnything. My name is Morgan.
[Morgan] How may I help you?

[Visitor] Yeah I got to type real slow
[Visitor] good thing i had my phone in pocket

[Morgan] Ok, how may I help you today?

[Visitor] stuck under my truck
[Visitor] how do you take off the exhaust manifold

[Visitor] i have a pen, my glasses, my phone, my keys, a bottle opener on it, and my pants

[Morgan] It's specific to your truck. I'm sorry, I won't be able to help you with that sort of question.

[Visitor] I'm thinkin my bottle opener will do the trick somehow

[Morgan] I'm sorry, I won't be able to help you with this.

[Visitor] come on man you're like my only hope here
[Visitor] my arm is caught around it and its freaking cold
[Visitor] how do I get it off?

[Morgan] You'll need a complete diagram of your vehicle's exhaust system. It's just not something I'm equipped to assist you with. I'm sorry, I don't know.

[Visitor] well okay, it's a 2006 dodge ram megacab
[Visitor] you pull up the specs
[Visitor] damn I'm getting soot in my mouth
[Visitor] it tastes like crap

[Morgan] I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to be able to help you with this. I highly recommend you call a tow.

[Visitor] oh god
[Visitor] I think i forgot to put on the emergency brake
[Visitor] i can feel myself getting dragged a little
[Visitor] do you think I can just yank it off?

[Morgan] I have no idea. If you don't have any questions about AutoAnything parts, I'm going to need to end this chat.

[Visitor] ok
[Visitor] um
[Visitor] how much is a new exhaust manifold?
[Visitor] I'm going to break this one into a hundred pieces

[Morgan] I'll need the engine size of your ram.

[Visitor] it's a v8

[Morgan] Hold on a sec, let me see what I have.

[Visitor] god its cold
[Visitor] the truck just pulled me across the parking lot
[Visitor] dammit
[Visitor] I didn't even get to eat my chicken sandwich

[Morgan] I'm sorry, I don't have anything like that for your ram.

[Visitor] gosh could you send a guy over here with a crobar or something? I can pay you as much as it costs. And have him bring me some hot coffee and maybe another chicken sandwich. this is really starting to hurt and I'm hungry

[Morgan] I'm sorry, we're internet-only. Please, go call a tow truck -- there is nothing I can do for you from here. Thank you for shopping with AutoAnything and have a Happy Holiday

Abusing Online Chat Customer Support 1.0

ORVIS

Dan G.: Hello and welcome to Orvis, Corky. Please type in your question.

Corky: Well hello there

Corky: I was out fishin

Dan G.: Yes...

Corky: got my brand new hook from you all stuck in a bear somewheres

Corky: I was wantin to know how to get it back

Dan G.: Let the bear have it....

Corky: what do you all got that can get to a bear?

Dan G.: we have running shoes online that are good for running in the other direction. We don't recommend that you cast around bears.

Dan G.: It's hazardous to your health.

Corky: was my new lure. the megabait.

Corky: i ought to go after that bear and shoot that thing

Corky: put them new shoes right up its backside

Corky: what sort of shoes you got?

The agent is sending you to [link to hiking shoes provided].

Dan G.: These should help.

Corky: I was thinkin more something that has spikes and what not on them

Corky: what do you call them things?

Corky: cleats

Corky: ought to kick that dang bear right in his face

The agent is sending you to [link to boots provided]

Dan G.: These have carbide tipped steel studs.

Dan G.: Not recommended for kicking bears though

Corky: That is more like it, though.

Corky: Don't you got some kind of radar tracker or something, what can detect bears with a hook it his lip?

Dan G.: Works good to keep you from slipping on rocks in the river too.

Corky: Like a satellite metal detector

Dan G.: Sorry, we don't sell those.

Dan G.: You might Google it.

Corky: well, what about some kind of a bear clause in the warranty or something

Corky: that was my best dang lure

Dan G.: Well....we don't sell lures, just flies.

Corky: Well, where the heck did she get this then?

Dan G.: No idea.

Dan G.: We do have a 25-year no-fault warranty on many of our fly rods. As long as we get some of the rod back we will repair or replace it.

Dan G.: Do you live near a Bass Pro? They carry some Orvis stuff besides all their lures.

Corky: She said go and find the man with the fishing pole on the internet and that's what I done

Corky: you are saying if I jam this here fishing pole right up that bear's arse, you going to replace it for me long as I get you back the handle?

Dan G.: As long as it's one of the rods covered by that 25-year no-fault guarantee AND you are alive to bring us the part.

Dan G.: The warrantee is not transferable.

Dan G.: There's a saying about rods and poles that is actually historically based back in the 1800's

Corky: Got no problems there, son

Corky: so how's that old saying go?

Dan G.: Split bamboo rods took about 100 to 120 hours of hands-on work to build and were called rods.

Dan G.: A Cane pole could be cut and a string and hook attached to the end.

Dan G.: Both would catch fish, but one was grown and one was built.

Dan G.: so the saying goes, "rods are built, poles are grown"

Dan G.: I think it was a bit of snobbishness from the bamboo rod builders back then, but understandable.

Dan G.: Now it only takes about 40-hours of hands on work for us to make a split bamboo rod.

Dan G.: graphite rods are much faster.

Corky: So what you are saying is that growing a rod's got to be better than building one

Dan G.: The built one is a rod, the grown one is a pole. Both will catch fish in skilled hands

Dan G.: But ones a rod and ones a pole.

Dan G.: It's all semantics. Doesn't really matter as long as it works.

Corky: My uncle Stregis used to punch fish out silly while they's still under water. There he'd be slapping that river for fifteen minutes til he got hisself a dozen senseless trouts floating round about him.

Dan G.: That's great. Reminds me of "ticklin' fish"

Corky: boy I tell you. he'd a taken that bear out back behind the house and given it a ticklin it wouldn't soon forget

Corky: anyways

Corky: thanks just the same for all your help

Corky: I'll look into them boots and that there pole you was telling me about. have a fine day

Dan G.: Thank you for using Orvis Chat. It was my pleasure to assist you.

Dan G.: And it was entertaining too!

Dan G.: Good Fishing Corky!